Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I've got the hickeys to prove it...

The pain subsides for a while
Then resumes
This time it’s back with a vengeance.

I’ve been battling it pretty hard for about 4 weeks now.
Trying another chiropractor
Who gives me, yet again, a different diagnosis
Upper Cross Syndrome.

First General Practictioner said it was Radiculopathy
Chiropractor said it was Thoracic Outlet Syndrome

Wednesday, I’ll go to an Orthopedic Surgeon who specializes in shoulder injuries where I'll probably receive a different diagnosis.

I ice
I heat
I stretch
I get massages
I get adjusted by the Chiropractor
I rest it when I’m not working (hence no blogging)

But the burning in my back radiates into my arm
The constant pain nags me as it moves from area to area each day
There's a weakness and tingling I feel down my fingers

and what makes it worse is the hyper sensitivity in my pinkie finger
My jaw is clenched constantly
I’m at the point of holding back uncontrollable tears.

I decide, I’m gonna find a acupuncturist on Monday.
I google some in the area, but of course noone is open after I get off of work.
I decide I’ll take a drive to the only one I’ve seen in my neighborhood.

I pull up
And I’m concerned.
Flashing lights, OPEN!
They do acupuncture, chiropractic, foot massages, regular massages,
I call hubby…
I think this places does “happy endings too!” I warn him.

He wishes me luck and in I go.

There’s an older Korean lady that greats me as I walk in the door.
Are you open for a while? I ask, Do you have time for acupuncture?
Yes, she replies as she nods her head.
My shoulder really hurts. I try to explain.
I look at the price list on the counter – Accupuncture $40
Here’s my insurance card, but I’ll pay cash if you don’t accept it.

Ok, ok, she nods again. I check for you.
You pay cash this time. I check for you for next time.


You come in, she motions me to the back.

The linoleum on the floor is dated, reminds me of my grandma’s green kitchen tiles.
The walls are plain and dingy.
She tells me to take off my shirt and lay on the bed.

I take a look at the bed and then my eyes wonder up to the ceilings.
There are poles along the ceiling.
Bingo, I was right!!
I take out my phone to send a picture to hubby, but she’s instantly back in the room!

Lay down, she tells me again.
Now I’m worried. She didn’t even really ask what’s wrong.

You tight, I use lots of needles, she stearnly says as she’s pricking my back.
It is the strangest sensation, it’s like you’re being darted by some Native American as you’re running through the woods. Flick, flick, flick, she continues in my back along both shoulder blades.

Then she rolls a machine over.
I feel the suction of four rubber pieces on my back,
they begin to suck my skin tight,
suddenly the electric stimulation begins.
I feel the needles moving as the machine is running.
Crap, I'm thinking. I saw Electric Accupuncture listed, but I didn't check the price?!

She feels along my arms and hands, then flicks me a couple places with more needles.
Those ones hurt!!

She walks out and I hear her come back in the room as she snaps her gum and drags her feet through halls.
Did I mention that not only does she perform acupuncture, she’s the receptionist too.
This little lady also answers her cell phone to schedule appoints as she’s working on me.

She begins to take the needles out of my back and they clank into another cylinder.
Which I'm hoping they're sterilized in.

All of a sudden I feel these little cups on my back, and she’s got some special suctioning tool that makes them suck every bit of skin into them.
(Wheh, I'm glad that I watched The Karate Kid and saw that cupping they did, otherwise I'd really be worried!)
She positions and sucks about 20 cups in various places all over my back. She flicks the cups, she massages my blades. She continues, YOU TOO TIGHT.
She pulls one cup off and exclaims, Wow.
I’m concerned. Is that good or bad, I ask?
Talking no good, she scolds!!
Ok, I say in response. (oh crap, no talking)

All the cups are removed and she starts to stretch out my back.
Then I feel her climb up on the bed over me.
And then…
I heard her hands sliding across the poles on the ceiling
And her feet digging into my back!

She dug her toes into my shoulder blades with a vengeance!
I could hardly breathe, but I was just hoping this treatment would help.
It was a good hurt.
The way this woman could use her feet to massage was extraordinary.
Up and down my back.
In my shoulders,
Along my neck.

Then she started in on my calves.
You whole body stressed.
Slow time tonight, you too much tension!

No crap, I’m thinking. How much is this gonna cost me??!!
Of course I’m stressed!!

At any minute I’m expecting Lucy Liu to walk in the door with her leather outfit to whip me into shape!!

She jumps off of the table and begins digging underneath my skull and at the base of my neck.
I'm cringing and trying to keep from squirming in hopes of relieving some pain in the end.

Then comes the hard chop, chop, chop
and slap, slap, slap.

Ok, you done.

I get up off the bed and feel like I've just been in the fight of my life.
My eyes are swollen and I can't even see straight.

She orders me to drink water before I leave.

I get in my car and inspect my arms for needle pricks, but don't find any.
Well, that was interesting, I think to myself on the drive home.

Once I get home, I take off my shirt and ask hubby if I have prick marks on my back.
Oh My God, he yells!!

What?!! I'm freaking out.

I look in the mirror and I have about 20-30 2 inch diameter hickeys on my back!!



Cheeseboy said...

NO... WAY!!! This was the most insanely bizarre story I have ever read or heard. She really walked on your back?

What I, and I am assuming many other readers want to know is this:

How do you feel NOW?!

kimberly said...

so.. did it work???!!!??

Janelle said...

Just updated to fix some typos and of course, pictures to give the full effect of the story!!

Now I'm just sore in alot of other places! however, I am contemplating going back...

Makk said...

lollzzz... :)

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

It almost looks like those treatments some of the stars get where they put these glass suction cup thingies on your back. I've only seen it a few times but I wonder if that is what you got..hmm

Crazy either way!

Follow along through the fun and agony as we try to figure out how to raise two completely opposite teenagers- Teen 1, the fiesty yet inquisitive one, Teen 2 quiet but wise-cracking and our ball full of energy known as The Boy. It aint always pretty, but we’ll sure try to make the best of it!
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