Obviously my parents were heartbroken and very upset. But my 14 year old brain couldn't process the life changes that I was about to go thru...
When you're a teen mom, people believe that they know what's going on in your life and that they have the right to judge you.
Once when I was pregnant as I was walking into a store; the solictor outside asked how old I was. I replied ,14. He said, If I was your father, I would woop your ass.
As I got older I realized alot of the things I had done out of determination to...
#1 Prove that I could be a good mom - this is a constant work in progress
#2 Prove everyone wrong - not always such a good reason to do things. I realized that I did things for other people, not for myself.
#3 Prove to myself that I was strong and capable enough to handle the life that I had created for myself.
I realized that I had given up a lot to become this parent at 15 years old. That I had missed out on alot of life because I was already a parent, because I was always wanting to prove something, prove someone wrong.
I don't think that I really truly believed that having my kids so young was such a big deal until my oldest daughter turned 14. That's when the reality of it hit me, when I stopped to actually understand the life of a teenager, when I could understand the heartbreak and dissapointment that my parents must've felt...
She is now 15 1/2 and my 2nd daughter is coming up on 13, and let me tell you, this has been THE most stressful, anxiety filled year of my life. Not because they're bad kids, they're typical teenagers. But because I realize how much I missed out on and do not want that for them.
I love my girls to death and honestly wouldn't change a thing, but I want so much more for them. I want them to experience life as a teenager. Go to school dances, experience dating, keep their high school friends through the years, just enjoy living. Enjoying being young.
I'm stressed beyond words hoping that I've raised them well and am leading them in the right direction. Working on keeping communication open but still being the mom, not just their friend. And of course the sensitive subject of talking to your kids about how hard life is without making them feel like they were the cause of it. We live well now, but I dont want them to not understand where we came from and what we've gone through.
This keeps me up at night, hence my insomnia!
This post became longer than I thought and not sure if I could pinpoint just the thing that changed in my life. Maybe it's just been more of a therapy session for me to actually have to go back and think about these things.
By my life experience overall is much different than most people would assume.
I am who I am because of it.
Now I'm able to enjoy things in life for myself and my family and am not doing it out of determination to prove someone wrong.
I try my best not to judge someone at first glance because I've been judged and looked down upon. I have no idea what's going on in their life.
I married a great man and I've learned to lighten up and not always be in control, it's a partnership...(right honey?!!)
I had my son at 27 and am doing my best to enjoy every second of it because I know how quickly they grow.
I'm trying to do the best job raising these teenage girls with all my love and compassion.