Tuesday, January 19, 2010

What a surprise…

I picked up The Boy from preschool
and as I’m strapping him into his carseat,
I tell him, Mommy picked you up early today!!!
“Did you bring me a surprise?” he asks.
“Yep!” I reply
“SURPRISE, I picked you up from school!”
“You’re my surprise?”
With a look of disappointment, he continues
“I thought Daddy was gonna pick me up”.

W H A T E V E R!!


When it rains, it pours

Friday night began the little droplets of rain as I was in the left turning lane and this clever lady decides that she can squeeze her car past mine whether she had enough room or NOT!
Well she did NOT and she scraped along the side my car as I wailed on my horn.
She didn’t even glance my way.
I got out of my car as soon as the light turned red to confirm, yes, she did in fact scrape me.
As I proceed to tell her, she pulls the old “I don’t speak a word of English” on me.
At first she said she didn’t hit me.
Then she changed up her story to
“You should’ve moved over because I didn’t have enough room.”
That’s how her son translated it anyway.
The light turned green and off she sped.

I should’ve known then that it was time to pull out the old umbrella
cause the downpour was just beginning…

Saturday morning was full of errands and
I was so excited for my first party of the Valentine’s season scheduled later that night.
Had a great party but on my way home, the little droplets continued.
While I was coming down the hill my “service engine soon” light began to flash at me.
(It’s been on for over a year,
we’ve spent thousands of dollars on this car without any real solutions)
When I come to a red light the car begins to idle low and I’m worried I’m going to stall.
I do my best to avoid the reds even if it means making
unnecessary right turns and U turns the whole way home.
As I’m making the turn into my track, everything goes haywire.
More flashing lights and the dash warns me that I should “Check Transmission” too.

Here comes the thunder and lightining…

Monday morning we take the car into the shop and the first thing they want to fix will be $600. Yes, that’s before they check the transmission!

Holy geez, by now I’ve got on my coat and umbrella and some really cute rain boots.
Just waiting for the next storm to hit...

Teen 2 had spent the night at her friends and was walking home,
but the rain was pouring and the wind was howling.
I felt bad that I didn’t have a car to pick her up and decided I’d jump into to Hubby’s El Camino (the fixer up in the drive way)

As I got one house past ours, I was reminded as I heard the clunking and felt the thump of the tire that Hubby had mentioned his right tire was low.
I tried feverishly to put the car in reverse, but it just kept going forward.
I did the best park job I could a few houses down from ours.
I get out of the car to inspect the tire and then it dawns on me…
he actually said…
“These tires are too small for these rims”
Ummm…yeah, the tire was off of the rim!
Then the phone rings, it’s him!
Panic sets in.
Is he psychic??!!
What am I going to say??!!
It poured down rain for the next 5 hours I couldn’t even try to push this car home to hide the evidence!!
Needless to say, I got the silent treatment for a while!

(Oh yeah, Teen 2 looked like a soaking wet puppy by the time she made it home)

The dealer didn’t have the parts in stock,
so I’m rolling around in a rental car for the next few days,
hoping the sun will shine down soon.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Lost in translation

This evening on our ride home from preschool
we had a few errands to run
One of our errands including picking up a breast pump.
(hey, those things are expensive and they must be passed on)
The Boy begins in with his questions
"Where are we going?"
I quickly reply "I have to pick up a breast pump"
as soon as the words came out of my mouth
I began to kick myself for not making up something, anything else
"A breastapumper?"
"uh huh" I figure, if he's saying it wrong, noone will know. But his translation was pretty close on.
Is this something that I should really correct his pronunciation on?
I think not.
I run into the house grab it, and as I jump back in the car,
The Boy calls out "Is that the breastapumper?"
"Can I see it?" he asks.
So I hold the bag up and show him some bottles and bags as quick as possible.
"Can I hold it?" he continues.
"NO!" I have to draw the line somewhere!

Let's change the conversation Son.
"How was school today?"
"Good." his normal reply
"Does your boss give you homework at work?" he asks
I begin to explain "Ummm...well kinda, I have emails and stuff."
"Where does your boss live?" he continues with the questions.
"In Yorba Linda."
"OUR Belinda?" he asks
"No, YORBA Linda!" I say a litte louder and with more emphasis this time
"My Belinda or His Belinda?"


Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm too sexy...

Do you ever have one of those days when walk out the door for work
thinking, hey, I'm looking pretty fly
(this song is playing like a record in your head, I'm too sexy)
You’ve got on a cute top like this…

A pair of well fitted jeans
And your newest and most gorgeous pair of pumps
You know, just a little something you threw together as you flew out the door
(as I do my little turn on the catwalk)

Only to realize that…
Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed up until 1am drinking that wine and nibbling on crackers
because now your pants are too tight
and you wanna throw up from the pressure everytime you sit down
You have to unbutton your pants and pull that girdle down over your button
And you have to be thankful that your gorgeous top is long and flowy
Helping you to conceal what is potentially billowing over underneath it
(but on it still plays...i'm too sexy for my pants)
Thinking…ok, noone can tell, still pretty fly…

That is until you go to lunch and decide you wanna go shopping
You walk around the shopping center in your amazing pumps
Reasoning with yourself that the ladies in NY pound the pavement in 5 inch pumps
so certainly you can too
But as you’re on your way to the little Japanese spot to pick up your spicy tuna salad
(even though you really wanted the noodle plate, your unbuttoned pants are reminding you that you cannot afford to eat the noodles)
You remember that one foot is bigger than the other
And now your right foot is slipping out of your shoe every time you take a step
And you feel that bunion on your left foot throbbing (yeah you forgot about that too)
It feels like you’re walking a little funny but you think it’s all in your head…
(I'm too sexy for japan)

You go to that meeting full of the execs later in the day and
As you’re walking down the hallway
One of them asks you why you’re limping?
(on it plays as I do my little turn on the catwalk but now it's sounding a little warped)

And then…
You receive a text from your daughter while you’re in that meeting explaining that her school is on lockdown and she’s not sure when she’s going to be let out.
So you rush out of the meeting to call the school and they confirm that the police have put the school on lock down but don’t bother coming because they do not know how long it will last
And you go into the bathroom and cry as you freak out

You walk out to a hallway full of execs that have just exited the meeting
and now your eyes are red and puffy
Your nose is as bright as rudolph’s
Your bunion is throbbing
You’re limping
You’re tugging on your shirt in hopes that noone knows your pants are undone

(so sexy, it HURTS!)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ode to My Girdle

My dear girdle
At first you made me want to hurl

My dear girdle
You hold me in
And keep me tucked tight
It’s because of you that I cannot take one more bite

My dear girdle
When I tell people about you their faces curdle

My dear girdle
You are so misunderstood
They just don't realize that you do so much good

My dear girdle
You make the jiggle stop
And get rid of that muffin top

My dear girdle
We are now daily friends
Especially after that the fabric stretches and the metal bends

My dear girdle
It’s because of you my pants button


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Mostly Wordless Wedness...Photographer in training

Not only is The Boy training to be the next X Games sensation
he's also become quite the photographer these days
Don't leave your camera laying around
because you just mind end up with a few of these...
That's the Spider Man web sling
in your face!

How about some evidence of his gum chewing
A little peace and love
and yes, he's holding the camera and taking these pictures of himself!
Apparently he watches his sisters too much!
And here's his new bike, he got some good detailed shots
His Zizost pipe as he calls it,
such a man, he's very proud of this piece of machinery
A view of what Christmas looks like at his Grandma's house
I'll spare you all the butts and up the nose shots,
but it is quite interesting to see what the world looks like from his point of view!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010


With Birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s, and every other reason my family could find to throw a party- I need to make sure I get this December to Remember in the memory books…
aka…my bloggity blog!

So here we go…
Weekend #1
The weekend after Thanksgiving was our first December party.
We were celebrating my lil’ ster’s b-day with a 1920’s Murder Mystery.
It was absolutely magical to see the way everyone transformed into their character from the moment they walked into the door.
The women were dressed in a beautiful assortment of dresses and fur coats with matching hairstyles and gorgeous pearls.
The men wore 3 piece suits, overcoats, and top hats.
Everyone looked marvelous and I longed for days of beautiful people again!

We drank like it was days of prohibition, 5 people were murdered,and there was plenty of extortion going on but it was all in the name of FUN!

Weekend #2
My mom’s annual Christmas party.
It’s a fun holiday party filled with family, friends, and co-workers.
Oh yeah, and lots and lots of food (and maybe some booze)
This year Mom’s BFF (from Jr. High or maybesooner) showed up with her family.
We used to hang out with their family at least every couple of weeks but as we got older and each family moved, it’s been at least 16 years since I’ve seen them last. We had a blast catching up, dancing, eating, and drinking!

We were even graced with the presence of all of the Dollette's, when they're there, it's a party!

Weekend #3
The big Sweet 16 was upon us.
Teen 1 was officially 16 and I turned 31 the same day.
I decided to forego any celebration for myself since Teen 1 gave up a party last year in honor of my 30th.
We had a bonfire for my girl and all of her friends.
They had fun hanging out, making smores, and giggling as girls do!
She was super sweet and surprised me by having the whole party sing Happy Birthday to me instead of her when it was cake time. Very cute, thanks!
The next day we celebrated my Dad’s birthday as well.
He went to see The Grinch show in Hollywood and loved it!
I don’t think he has any pictures with the pan-handling characters though!

Weekend #4

Christmas Eve- My Dad’s famous Christmas Eve chili was shared by all.
We also did our 2nd annual ugly ornament exchange.
I can’t wait to see what everyone’s trees will look like in a few years.It’s funny to see the reaction of the cashier as you purchase these ornaments with a straight face!
The cashier this year asked me if the ornament was made out of the stuff they use to clean toilet bowls with!
Christmas Day – Santa came and dropped off what the kids had been hoping for all year.
They were overjoyed and we always have so much fun watching them.
Then off to my Mom’s house for our white elephant gift exchange with the array of wacky gifts that make their way back, champagne tasting, tip cup, dance party, and King’s cup all before 7pm. It was a doozy that Christmas day!

Weekend #5
New Year’s Eve- This year we did a Celebrities in Times Square Ball Drop! Complete with red carpet, papparazzi, and the celebrities of course.
Alicia Keys, Lady Gaga, Kat Von D, Beyonce, Jackass, Pharrell just to name a few...

What a way to end the year!

In between all of this weekend fun, we also had one Christmas choir show every week for each of the kids, Teen 2 actually had 2 this year. I wish I had pictures, they were all really good!
Except Teen 2 looks like she’s absolutely miserable up on stage…teenagers!!

By Jan 2nd we were all complaining about how full the month was in one breathe, but planning our next adventure in the next!

Can't wait for the next one!
Follow along through the fun and agony as we try to figure out how to raise two completely opposite teenagers- Teen 1, the fiesty yet inquisitive one, Teen 2 quiet but wise-cracking and our ball full of energy known as The Boy. It aint always pretty, but we’ll sure try to make the best of it!
These are the stories of our lives…