Wednesday, September 11, 2013

You're Up then You're Down

My name is Janelle, and I love to eat.

So I’ve gained some weight.
I’ve blamed my past surgery- it must be hormonal I say.
I also try to convince myself that I don’t care,
I’m happy with the way I am, I think to myself.
But when clothes are no longer fitting properly
and my muffin top has now become a cupcake with extra topping
I realize that I’m kidding yourself.

I try eating right again.
Getting on the treadmill a few days a week.
I even tried those weight loss clinics with the pills- the ones that you don’t want to admit to taking
The B-12 Lipo shot that I was sure I was going to have an allergic reaction and die from.
I even tried the lemonade diet. All gung ho that I would last 10 days on just that concoction alone.
Well that lasted about 2.5 hours before I gave in
I realized that I need to make the life style change again.
With a food deprived body-
I signed up for WW’s new program

I’ve learned from past experience that unfortunately
I am not one of those girls who can cut their calorie intake and lose weight.
I’m the kinda girl that has to cut her intake AND

So over the past 5 weeks, I’ve tracked.
I’ve controlled myself.
I’ve past up on drinks, which is very difficult for this lush.

Through the week of my daughter’s wedding- I lost
Through the week of vacation, I gained, thankfully it was only .5 lbs
Through the week of Beer Olympics & Memorial day- I actually lost 3 lbs

So this past week, I just know that I’ve done well.
There were 2 days that I actually had 2 points remaining
I’ve pushed myself to work out longer and harder- Every. Single. Day.
I mean yesterday I had sweat roll into my eyeball and sting me
I tasted the salty sweat as it dripped into my mouth
I worked my ass off

I was feeling good when I stepped on the scale this morning
(in my birthday suit)
Until I saw 149.5
What?! I think to myself. I was 148.5 last week.
I step off, then back on- 149.5
I step off, then back on- 149.5 glares at me.


Thoughts of quitting go through my head.
All of the cupcakes, cookies
Bottles of beer, & glasses of sangria that I’ve declined flash before my eyes.

I shower quickly, dry off and decide to try again.
(in my birthday suit again)
Excuse me?- 148 it confirms
I know that a 5 minute shower could not have let out 1.5 lbs.
I move the scale from its original position between 2 pieces of tile to a solid piece- 148 again
In disbelief- I try in a diamond shape setting accross 4 pieces of tile- 148
Place the scale back in its original spot-148

Well, that’s better.

I put my robe and make up on and decide to try for a 2nd opinion.
149.5 it screams to me
Are you F*&ing kidding me?! I yell back
I move the scale to the solid piece of tile-149.5

I tear my robe off, now I’m gonna beat the crap out of this scale
147.5 it coyly whispers to me as it flutters it’s eyelashes.
I don’t believe you, I say in return.
You’re moving to the solid tile- 147.5
Diagonal tile- 147.5
Original position between 2 tiles-147.5

Now you’re screwing with me.

I move her (by her indecisiveness, she’s clearly a woman)
I pick her up and get ready to throw her through a window
then I remember that we just put new windows in.
So onto the wooden floor in the hallway she goes

I storm out of the bathroom and decide that I never want to speak to her again.

Well that is until next week-
and all I'm saying is, she better be ready to act right.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

How to Love

We were having dinner at a local Mexican cantina that we found The Boy, Teen 2, hubby, and I.

The Boy is a restless eater.
He can never sit still.
At home, he leans back on the chairs lays down,
rolls around in the chairs
slips out from under the dining table to fetch a glass of this or that

At the restaurant, he finishes a portion of his taco plate
stands up and makes his way over to me

I look at his little face thats growing and changing
I stare into his warewolf eyeballs that change colors
I admire the little freckles across the bridge of his nose and upper cheeks

I look at his face, pull him in close to me and say "I love you son"
He looks at me, smiles, then turns away.

Son, I love you. I repeat.
He gives me that one raised eyebrow crooked face.

Tell me, you love me. I plea.
I look at his dad with that "you better make him tell me he loves me" face.
Hubby nudges the boy, tell your mom. iloveyou.

he quickly says without looking at me.
Sheesh, who taught you how to love, your dad? I ask.
With a straight face, he looks at me and replies- Little Wayne.

Monday, September 9, 2013

It Takes a Bush

Our family tree is not grown perfectly upright

with all its branches and leaves pruned just right
where the green grass grows all around and around…
where the green grows all around

We’re better compared to a bush

As my Stepmom’s husband
(who, just to clarify, is not my Dad)
would say.

And our bush has been growing wildly.

Hence my absence.

Teen 1 has since grown all up-
graduated, married, had a beautiful baby boy, and moved out
(not particularly in that order, but hey, that’s how we do)

Teen 2 is now a senior- Yikes. That’s all I can say about that.
She has a job, earned enough credits early to have minimum days at school, and is deciding what to do when she grows up

And our rambunctious little toddler is now a full grown boy.

Raising teenagers is no walk in the park.
It’s been beyond challenging.
I know I was no angel, if you recall this blog-
this was a doozy on my parents.

I often talk to my parents and tell them I don’t know how they dealt with it.
How do you deal with a teenage pregnancy, knowing yourself how hard it is.
Knowing the discrimination your child will go through.
How do you deal with your child raising their own child in your home.

I’ve also been that mom that’s gone into a house party at midnight to search for my daughter, grabbed a hold of her, and yelled at anyone & everyone in my way.

And probably would’ve beaten the living crap out of her if I knew they weren’t watching.

to say the least.

But life is challenging.

I’m sure I’m not alone- even though I felt as though I was
Many times throwing my hands up in the air and giving up
Wanting to quit the roll of being the mom

But with the help of my husband and all the branches of our bush

We survived.

We’ve come out better people.
Things have calmed down (knock on wood)
Everyone has branched out into their own person
Although I know it will change
They will change
We will grow more branches
Which will produce more little leaves

Colors will change with the seasons
We will continue to love and nurture the bush
And we will all be there to support one another
We hope you follow along as we grow
Follow along through the fun and agony as we try to figure out how to raise two completely opposite teenagers- Teen 1, the fiesty yet inquisitive one, Teen 2 quiet but wise-cracking and our ball full of energy known as The Boy. It aint always pretty, but we’ll sure try to make the best of it!
These are the stories of our lives…