Life Changing...Teen Pregnancy

Sandy at One day at a Time hosts Tell Me About It Thursday. I read about it too late, but after reading the topic, I just kept thinking about it over and over...so I'm a few days late but here it is...

The topic today is: An event that changed your life

Well that's an easy one for me - getting pregnant at just 14 years old.

When I first thought about this topic I thought, well this'll be easy. But as the days past I just thought about every aspect of my life that is touched because of this.

Being a teen mom is not easy, obviously.

But unless you've lived it, you absolutely no idea just how hard it is.

Let me start by saying that I came from a good home. We went to church every Wednesday and Sunday, I went to school everyday, and mainted a good grade average.

But I was a teenager, a teenager who was much more mature than I should've been

(I always joke that I'm actually 10 yrs older than my real age).

A teenager who was "in love" and was determined to do what I wanted to do no matter what anyone said or did.

Obviously my parents were heartbroken and very upset. But my 14 year old brain couldn't process the life changes that I was about to go thru...

Judgment

When you're a teen mom, people believe that they know what's going on in your life and that they have the right to judge you.

Once when I was pregnant as I was walking into a store; the solictor outside asked how old I was. I replied ,14. He said, If I was your father, I would woop your ass.

Well thank god you're not my father, thank god my father has taught me better than to speak to someone with such disrespect.

Another time I was at the laundry mat folding my daughters clothes and a man walked up to me and said, Why didn't you give her up? Excuse me, I asked?

He said, why didn't you give her up for adoption?

Really, are you serious, you think you have the right to ask me that?!

I just chose to ignore his ignorance...

My prenatal care nurses told me I would be obese while I was a whopping 120 lbs.

Again another adult choosing to say anything they wish to scare me.

That is the kind of judgement and verbal harrasment that most teen parents have to deal with.

Now I'm not trying to be an advocate for teen parents,

but more of an advocate for not judging people.

This turned me into a bit of an introvert because I always felt like people were judging me.

Determination

But this also made me a more determined person.

I was determined to prove everyone wrong and show them that I wasn't this loser kid that got pregnant.

I became, what felt like, a full blow adult when I had my daughter on my 15th birthday

(oh yeah labor from 4am to 11:50pm, Happy Birthday to you!!)

I gave up my friends and hanging out for my baby and motherhood.

At 16, I had graduated high school, moved out to my own apt,

working full time, and part time college.

At 17, I had my second daughter.

By 20, I was married, bought my first home, had a brand new car,

and was financially making what people twice my age were making.

However by the age of 24, I was divorced, selling my 2nd home and had filed bankruptcy.

(I told you 10 years older than my real age!)

Realization

As I got older I realized alot of the things I had done out of determination to...

#1 Prove that I could be a good mom - this is a constant work in progress

#2 Prove everyone wrong - not always such a good reason to do things. I realized that I did things for other people, not for myself.

#3 Prove to myself that I was strong and capable enough to handle the life that I had created for myself.

I realized that I had given up a lot to become this parent at 15 years old. That I had missed out on alot of life because I was already a parent, because I was always wanting to prove something, prove someone wrong.

I don't think that I really truly believed that having my kids so young was such a big deal until my oldest daughter turned 14. That's when the reality of it hit me, when I stopped to actually understand the life of a teenager, when I could understand the heartbreak and dissapointment that my parents must've felt...

She is now 15 1/2 and my 2nd daughter is coming up on 13, and let me tell you, this has been THE most stressful, anxiety filled year of my life. Not because they're bad kids, they're typical teenagers. But because I realize how much I missed out on and do not want that for them.

I love my girls to death and honestly wouldn't change a thing, but I want so much more for them. I want them to experience life as a teenager. Go to school dances, experience dating, keep their high school friends through the years, just enjoy living. Enjoying being young.

I'm stressed beyond words hoping that I've raised them well and am leading them in the right direction. Working on keeping communication open but still being the mom, not just their friend. And of course the sensitive subject of talking to your kids about how hard life is without making them feel like they were the cause of it. We live well now, but I dont want them to not understand where we came from and what we've gone through.

This keeps me up at night, hence my insomnia!

This post became longer than I thought and not sure if I could pinpoint just the thing that changed in my life. Maybe it's just been more of a therapy session for me to actually have to go back and think about these things.

ME

By my life experience overall is much different than most people would assume.

I am who I am because of it.

Now I'm able to enjoy things in life for myself and my family and am not doing it out of determination to prove someone wrong.

I try my best not to judge someone at first glance because I've been judged and looked down upon. I have no idea what's going on in their life.

I married a great man and I've learned to lighten up and not always be in control, it's a partnership...(right honey?!!)

I had my son at 27 and am doing my best to enjoy every second of it because I know how quickly they grow.

I'm trying to do the best job raising these teenage girls with all my love and compassion.

Note to self...

Next time the nail lady is insulting your facial hair...

DO NOT give in!!

Rash 'stache is not HOT!
And it's certainly not any cuter than rockin' the natural look.

As I'm sitting there trying to relax and get my massage on
(because now you can't just get a regular chair pedicure)
S
he keeps looking at me and asking, do you do yo' own eyebrow?

Yes, I say, very proudly.

Oooohh, let me fix it!
I fix it real nice
very fast
magic touch
it don't hurt

Well the endorphines must've kicked in after getting that back massage (from the chair)
and getting suckered into the extra $5 for extra scrub and massage on foot and leg
So I was scurried into the "waxing room"

I fix for you!
Look now, as she hands me the mirror after doing one brow
look before and after
I do better job, right?!
Well the lighting is bad, my eyebrows hurt,
ummm...yeah, you do better job! (i had to admit)


Then she proceeds to touch my upper lip
Oooohhhh...you hairy!
I clean up for you.
Ugghhh...yeah, I know I've been seeing that in the mirror lately, ok you fix
O U C H!!!!!!!!

Now here it is 4 days later
and I have rash 'stache

NEVER again

The search is over...for now

So ever since I started this blog, I've been looking for the perfect layout
Of course, I will never be satisified with anything that I find and if I was,
I'd want to change it after I viewed it a few times

Well I'm married to a graphic designer, so who do you think designs all the inviations for
the countless parties we throw, the gift certificates (otherwise known as IOU's)
for birthday presents (heehee), and ummm...just about all other things of that sort?

Ahem, well that would be M E!!
You see we have learned after working on a few projects together that-
he has gone to school for this so he knows how to do it right,
doesn't take shortcuts to "just make it work" or believe in " that's good enough!!!"

I on the other hand will get frustrated enough and become satisfied with my creation
I can trick myself into believing I'm fabulous!

Well my dream blog layout was to make it look like a tv screen,
I mean after all this is "Days of Five Lives"
It's only appropriate

Well after I was told, yeah, sure, uh huh, I can help, I knew what that meant!

So off I went and read blog after blog about how I could create my own template
Problem is I couldn't find the photos I wanted to use or that I could manipulate
(for free anyway, because I'm cheap!)

And after finding this new blog template that you're viewing
I tried downloading it for about a week, but kept coming across this XML error
I tried unzipping, downloading, extracting
all to no avail

Hubby even got on my computer after I was trying to figure it out, and the computer started
freakin out on him...I was sure I had ruined my computer (I hope he doesn't read this post!)

Then tonight, in frustration, I said, how do you extract XML??
He began to babble some technical jargon that I couldn't understand and walked off

After about an hour, in frustration and sighs, the question came out again
He sorta looked, rolled his eyes with that look of are you really asking me again?
(you know those computer guys never want to have to explain it twice!)

So I said, oh nevermind...but I'm a stubborn girl, I was determined to figure this out

After more frustration, more pointing clicking, zipping, unzippin, right click
google search : how to extract XML data
more right click, aaahhhhaaahhhhh!!! i figured it out!!!!!

whehh...
so
here
it
is

enjoy the new view!
it might not be around for long...

oh and no, those aren't my pictures hanging from the clothesline, but that's a whole other lesson!


www.daysoffivelives.blogspot.com

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Perfect Sunday Supper Sangria and Ceviche

(excuse my stained place mat!)

Insomniac Hour

Have you ever have one of those nights that you feel so tired

you've worked all day

made dinner (or picked up some El Pollo Loco)

washed dishes

put the kids to bed

picked up arond the house some more

you just can't possibly keep your eyes open a minute longer

can't possibly fold that last load of laundry that's calling your name cause you'll be looking for those socks in the morning

you stumble to bed

and as soon as your head hits the pillow

You're W I D E awake!!

Last night was one of those nights

I hate those nights!

Alot of the times it's usually me waking up in the middle of the night

because I've forgotten to put the "sleep" timer on the tv

I wake up to the rumbling laugh of the audience on the David Letterman Show

or even worse Late night with Craig Ferguson, I find him so funny that I begin to laugh along

I know what you're thinking, the same thing my hubby thinks

Turn off the tv before you fall asleep

Well I simply can't!

The tv is the only way that I can get my brain turned off long enough to fall asleep

I'm usually asleep before the opening credits roll on movies

before House's case is presented to him

or right before they're about to break the case on Dateline...ugghh!!

Once I'm up

I'm up

and I get stuck in marathons of Intervention

For some odd reason

my brain will not turn off when I'm watching the most depressing things

I will wake up at 1am and watch reruns of Intervention til 4am,

knowing darn well that I need to be at 6am for work

My brain will not shut off!

I will lie awake getting pulled into their story

feeling the pain of the family

and crying tears as the intervention begins

Last night I was pulled into All the Pretty Horses

An older movie

a slow movie

a cowboy movie

a story of friends

a story of love

a story of the pain

I think I may have laughed once

depressing, I tell ya'

but there I was sucked in again

It was actually a pretty good movie

such a love story

I can be such a hopeless romantic sometimes...

but I was sucked in and watched it from beginning to end

without dozing off once!

Part of my problem was my stomach has been bothering me the past few nights

The boy and hubby were passed out in our bed

So around midnight, I moved the boy into his room

Was irritated hubby was fast asleep

while I was clearly wide awake!

So I proceeded to turn the fan on and off, on and off, trying to figure it out

Pretty loudly opened the front door

(not on purpose of course!)

unlock, unlock, opened the paint stuck by the heat of the night door

(which is right by our room)

Not a rumble or even a look from the room

unlock, unlock open the screen door

Nothing again

Run out to my car

get some medicine

Close the door

lock, lock

Nothing!!

Doesn't he know I'm wide awake??!!

Then I have to realize he's been working a crazy full schedule

helping my brother with home renovations all weekend

he deserves to be tired

but hey, I'm a woman,

I'm moody

I'm tired

I'm probably hungry

so I'm irritated!

Then I do the just before bed routine of brushing teeth, washing my face

and

I think that now I may be tired enough to hit the sack

turn on the tv

and you guessed it... I was sucked in again!

"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I was looking down." ~Anonymous

With the everyday madness that we call life,

we just need to step back and find our rainbows and sunsets

These are mine...

Your husband meeting you for lunch cause your weekend's jam packed with parties

Watching your kids write their name with sparklers(Yes I realize he's writing his name from right to left!)

Pinata loot!!!! (find some chocolate for mama)

A 3 yr old Evil Kanevil

Sisterly love
A summer evening ride with ALL of my offspring

(Wow, are they really all mine??!!)

Take the time to appreciate these things

It all happens too fast!

It's Friday people...smile!

Just one of my pet peeves...

Went to the local mall for lunch and as I'm walking around I always look at whoever passes me and I smile.

WHY oh WHY??? do people not give you eye contact as they're passing???

Are they really that scared of a woman walking past with a sack full of lunches?

It's Friday, you're at the mall...what's the problem??

Of course, it's not just today, it's every day and every where you go? I find it funny that people don't look at each other or even acknowledge that someone is walking past them.

Am I the wierd one?

Do you smile at people when you walk past?

Wheehhh... I feel better know!

Happy Friday, Have a GREAT weekend!

First attempt at a Wordless Wednesday

Ahhhh...peace

Exhausted children after a good vacation

Haha....Good try Girls!

My girls are older now

15 1/2 and almost 13

and they're home on Summer break

which means they get extra chores to do

Mom LOVES summer break!

Usually means the home is somewhat clean

and sometimes I get them to start dinner for me

Now don't get me wrong, this aint no sweatshop

But I'm just preparing them to be able to take care of themselves

Mama's not gonna be around all the time

They need to know how to sweep the floor, wash dishes

seperate, wash, and fold laundry

babysit,

how to take a bus,

they've been lost before and it took everything in me just to let them figure it out

(I was on the phone with them every 20 mins to make sure they were ok)

These are all life skills that I think alot of the kids these days are not learning

And no, they're not home all day cooking and cleaning for me

I think they should be able to relax and be kids so they're

walking to the mall

hanging out with friends

going to the park, beach, etc

just having fun

So yesterday as they were calling me with their updates during the day...

I told preteen she could go to the park, but she needed to be home by 6 to make rice for dinner

(This girl can make some kick butt spanish rice, she does it better than me, therefore she's making it whenever it needs to be made!!)

Ok Mom she says.

Good try #1 - 5:45 text received: Mom, Kirstie wants to to go the burger stand, can we go?

Ummm...no dear, you're supposed to be home in 15 mins to make rice!

I also called the teenager around 4:30 and told her at 5:30 I need her to start the chicken

huh??!!

So precisely at 5:30, I sent her a text of step by step directions

(this is full of good tries of trying to irritate Mom to the point where she says

"Just forget it, I'll do it myself!!!!!")

Me: Season both sides of chicken with garlic herb, salt, and peper.

Put 2 tbsp onf olive oil in large skillet, add 1 tbsp garlic(from fridge) and 1 slice onion

Then add chicken, put cover on, and cook 8 mins ea side

#2 -Teenager: What's a slice? Like a square or like the onions you put on a cheeseburger?

Me: Just 1 slice thru the onion in the fridge. Use the whole thing, seperate them up.

# 3 -Teenager: Where's the cutting board, I looked everywhere!

Me: Behind the coffee maker

#4- Teenager: Where's the garlic

Me: In the fridge, in a plastic jar

AAArrrrrggghhhhhhh! Is precisely how I'm feeling, but I'm gonna let them figure this out

I arrived home about half hour later

the house smelled scrum-deli-umptious

Preteen had her friend in the kitchen cutting up onions

She's stirring up the rice, searching for the bouillon cubes

Teenager's chicken is in the skillet lookin good!

So I'm in the room folding laundry and here comes the preteen

#5- Ummm....Mom, the rice is burnt, I dont think it's gonna be good

How do I throw it away?

No, girl, you're gonna cook it. We'll throw it away after it cooks

Ok.

As we're sitting there enjoying our dinner

Teenager asks "How's the chicken?!!!" with a smirk on her face

It's really good, thanks for making it

She says...

#6- Well I didn't know what a slice was, so I cut up the whole onion

Me:That's ok, it makes the chicken taste better anyway

#7- And I didn't really know what I was doing with the seasoning so I put A L O T on!!!

heehee

Me: Well it's really good, you did a great job!

Did you really think doing a bad job was gonna get you out of cooking dinner again?

Hahaha...GOOD try!

I would just teach you how to make it better!

They must forget that I was once a kid and I'm sure I've pulled that quite a few times!

Happy Fourth of July Ya'll

From the wild wild west!