You're Up then You're Down

My name is Janelle, and I love to eat.

So I’ve gained some weight.
I’ve blamed my past surgery- it must be hormonal I say.

I also try to convince myself that I don’t care,

I’m happy with the way I am, I think to myself.
But when clothes are no longer fitting properly

and my muffin top has now become a cupcake with extra topping

I realize that I’m kidding yourself.

I try eating right again.

Getting on the treadmill a few days a week.

How to Love

We were having dinner at a local Mexican cantina that we found The Boy, Teen 2, hubby, and I.

The Boy is a restless eater.
He can never sit still.
At home, he leans back on the chairs lays down,
rolls around in the chairs
slips out from under the dining table to fetch a glass of this or that

At the restaurant, he finishes a portion of his taco plate
stands up and makes his way over to me

I look at his little face thats growing and changing
I stare into his warewolf eyeballs that change colors
I admire the little freckles across the bridge of his nose and upper cheeks

I look at his face, pull him in close to me and say "I love you son"
He looks at me, smiles, then turns away.

Son, I love you. I repeat.
He gives me that one raised eyebrow crooked face.

Tell me, you love me. I plea.
I look at his dad with that "you better make him tell me he loves me" face.
Hubby nudges the boy, tell your mom. iloveyou.

he quickly says without looking at me.
Sheesh, who taught you how to love, your dad? I ask.
With a straight face, he looks at me and replies- Little Wayne.

It Takes a Bush

Our family tree is not grown perfectly upright

with all its branches and leaves pruned just right
where the green grass grows all around and around…
where the green grows all around

We’re better compared to a bush

As my Stepmom’s husband
(who, just to clarify, is not my Dad)
would say.

And our bush has been growing wildly.

Hence my absence.

Teen 1 has since grown all up-
graduated, married, had a beautiful baby boy, and moved out
(not particularly in that order, but hey, that’s how we do)

Teen 2 is now a senior- Yikes. That’s all I can say about that.
She has a job, earned enough credits early to have minimum days at school, and is deciding what to do when she grows up

And our rambunctious little toddler is now a full grown boy.

Raising teenagers is no walk in the park.
It’s been beyond challenging.
I know I was no angel, if you recall this blog-http://daysoffivelives.blogspot.com/2009/07/life-changingteen-pregnancy.html
this was a doozy on my parents.

I often talk to my parents and tell them I don’t know how they dealt with it.
How do you deal with a teenage pregnancy, knowing yourself how hard it is.
Knowing the discrimination your child will go through.
How do you deal with your child raising their own child in your home.

I’ve also been that mom that’s gone into a house party at midnight to search for my daughter, grabbed a hold of her, and yelled at anyone & everyone in my way.

And probably would’ve beaten the living crap out of her if I knew they weren’t watching.

It’s
Been
ROUGH
to say the least.

But life is challenging.

I’m sure I’m not alone- even though I felt as though I was
Many times throwing my hands up in the air and giving up
Wanting to quit the roll of being the mom

But with the help of my husband and all the branches of our bush

We survived.

We’ve come out better people.
Things have calmed down (knock on wood)
Everyone has branched out into their own person
Although I know it will change
They will change
We will grow more branches
Which will produce more little leaves

Colors will change with the seasons
We will continue to love and nurture the bush
And we will all be there to support one another
We hope you follow along as we grow
Janelle